I have this huge goal of kids who like each other. Siblings who are friends and have minimal bickering. After David was born, I read books like, "What to Expect the First Year." When Drew was born (mostly because David kept hitting defenseless Drew) I tried to read everything I could on brothers adjusting to each other. "Siblings Without Rivalry" is great, although there isn't nearly enough on what to do when they are really small. I need to go back and read it again now that the boys are older.
Guess what? Drew can tromp across a train track that David has painstakingly built and no major fight ensues. I have trained David to say, "Hey, you naughty little rascal quit that!" It takes so long to say, that by the time the words are out of his mouth David is laughing and the guilty rascal has moved on to something else.
I wanted my kids close in age. I love their friendship. My problem is that sometimes I feel like I really can't do what's best for either of them because I always have to consider the other.
Anyone else with multiple offspring feel that way?
Case in point- science museum. David will build/explore/play for long periods of time at one exhibit. Drew...has the attention span of a two year old. There are a lot of situations where I feel like I am rushing/cranky/scolding one kid for what the other kid is doing. I can't be in two places at once.
Monday at the store, Drew was having his "I want to walk" issues. So I decided, fine, walk holding on to the cart but if you let go, you're back in buster. Of course, David had to walk too. And did just fine with the rules. Drew did not. I got frustrated and ordered the boys to get back into the car attached to the front of the cart. David kept saying, "But was I good Mom? I was being good, wasn't I?" I felt terrible because as obedient as he was being, David was still bearing some of the brunt of a cranky mom. And in Drew's defense, I never would have expected as much out of David as a two year old as I do with Drew. I seriously jumped through some major hoops for Toddler Dave and many of the fits that Drew has now were avoided with David simply because I worked really hard to avoid pitfalls.
My kids are fine. I know that. They get taken to the science museum so it's stupid to feel too sorry for them. And Drew won't be scarred from me having higher expectations for him. I get that, I really do. I just hate to see Drew so frustrated at times and David feeling like he's in trouble when he's not.
Saturday morning I think Keith and I will divide and conquer. Two year old things for the toddler and a four year old activity for the preschooler. There.
3 comments:
I feel ya. How close in age are your boys? My kids are a year and a half apart. I wanted my kids far apart but there was a different plan in store for us! Ha!
I think the goal is just to teach family love and respect to the kids. I hate it when siblings only talk ugly to each other. Some parents seem to think that's normal but I say it's a learned behavior.
Amen Emily. If you can't be nice to your brother, who can you be nice to? That's my motto.
They are 21 months apart.
nat i think the fact that you are even aware of such situations speaks volumes.
the shopping cart incident reminds me of class punishments when i was teaching...i cringed at the thought for sake of the "good kids" but there were some times that there was just no way around it. but i think at times it also helps them realize that their "naughty" actions can affect others.
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