Should I renew?

I have several renewal notices that are piling up right now. I love getting new magazines in the mail. Primarily because they are something only for me that can be completed. I can read all of the articles in a day or two. And as every mom knows, completing any task feels good. I keep them under my couch. I'll take little breaks from time to time and wallow on the carpet reading as the boys play around me.
Except the glossy pages have been leaving me feeling guilty and frumpy. If I hadn't received last month's Parents I would never have known that the boys were sorely lacking seafood in their diets. The wheels start turning in my brain as I think about how I can make striper more palatable. I want my kids to make good grades in high school, thus the Omega 3's and DHA's are vitally essential. I should have started serving a weekly fish dish years ago. Perhaps I could just hide some shrimp in a fruit roll up.
Then, I flip the page and see a spread on how to workout in thirty minutes using your baby as resistance. I turn and see Drew lugging around a bucket of animals. Holy cow- surely they have to be kidding me. The amount of time it would take to catch Drew and talk him into being my dumb bell alone would take a good fifteen minutes. I imagine myself with mannish, bulging biceps after hoisting close to forty pounds of "baby" in the air and quickly stuff the magazine back under the sofa.
Don't even get me started on In Style. That monthly gem keeps me feeling decidedly Out Of Style. The 80's permed look would have to come back along with neon and stirrup pants, for me to ever have cool hair. I foolishly get my hopes up every time there is a Splurge/Steal page until the items under "Steal" are still all over fifty dollars. I've snuck twenty dollars worth of Old Navy in the house before. How I am I supposed to justify an eighty dollar sweater?
This next year I may just stick with Everyday Food. It's a collection of straightforward recipes sans any guilt or judgement.