I really want to do a better job in the new year. Mostly because writing makes me happy and I enjoy looking back at previous posts.
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about labels. At one point in time, I taught around 140 kids a year. So I tended to sum them up in a few words.
Smart, talkative, defiant, struggling, shifty, happy, you get the drift. Since I taught writing and read their journals, I knew that each kid had lots of depth, but if my principal or another teacher would ask me about a student I could always give a concise description.
Now, with my sons, I always wonder how they would be summed up. I think I can guess pretty accurately on David, but Drew... I can't put him in a category and I think that is what bugs me. I really try never to stick any negative label on either of them within their hearing. I can thank my long time best friend for this. Back in college, she used to talk about how her mom would answer for her and say, "Oh, she's shy." This happened time and again and my friend lived out her label, not overcoming it until her teen years (feel free to comment if I have mixed this story up, you know who you are.)
If you say often enough, "he's so wild or she's so sneaky," I think kids will believe you. They'll give a mental shrug and think, "well, I am wild." I have decided to totally reverse this and I tell everyone that Drew is gentle and great with younger kids. Is he? Well, he certainly can be, but the truth of the matter is, he is built like a linebacker and has a high threshold for pain. Drew likes to be first and given the chance would probably win a wrestling match with a grizzly cub. But he loves animals and is caring and I have decided to steer him to using his strength and size for being helpful.
When it comes time to enroll the boys for next school year, I know how I'll describe David and the traits in a teacher I will request. Drew? I think I will just have a meeting with the powers that be in order to get him the teacher that will be best for him.
5 comments:
I agree with all of this! Have you ever read "Scream Free Parenting"? He talks about this exact thing. And I know exactly what you mean about your kids too. Cason is easy to sum up and explain. But then there's Kendall. My mother in law always says, "She's just Kendall!" And so that's how I try to think of her. Just...Kendall. And that's pretty great the way it is.
i was almost to shy to comment, but luckily i've come a long way.
loved your post...and can completely relate. i'm just glad you're paving the way for me.
and you know i meant "too" shy, not "to" shy...i know such things bother you.
Em- maybe second borns are wild cards?!
Jess- I just love you, you bashful little thing! Move back!!!
There was just an article on a site called Empowering Parents... it was about this. http://www.empoweringparents.com/blog/younger-children/what-affects-kids-personalities-more-birth-order-or-their-parents-expectations/
...so, I've been trying to keep in mind certain things aren't character flaws... it's just age and learning to deal with life, or just being a boy, or our reactions to OTHER peoples perceptions (sometimes we feel like we need to defend our kid or make excuses when WE know they just need a snack or a nap, or we understand their motives for something misunderstood, but we react out of embarrassment) Choose you battles and know that tomorrow is a new day, is what I try to remember. We guide as much as we can, but in the end they pave their own way. I sound like a hippie, but they really need to learn life consequences on their own. If Sam is a brat on the playground or has a quick temper... he'll get in trouble or not have any friends! I gotta just love him and look for the best in him. I think you hit it on the head, though. I need to label the positive and not expect the worst!!! Love you and your posts!!!!!!!!! (am I wrong and in denial, though. AHH!)
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